Old Diary Entries are Awkward

Every once in a while I Google my name as well as my usernames from different sites to check up on my online reputation and today I came across the diary/blog I kept from 2005 to mid-2007, which covers my sophomore through senior years of college. I started reading through some of the entries and to say this thing is cringeworthy is an understatement. That my name is listed as “KiMbErLy” on my profile doesn’t begin to cover it.

Most of the entries go something like this:

whining/shopping/i hate this person
i need to go shopping
i need to stop eating candy.
obnoxious/funny observations.
BRB going to go shopping and eat candy.
I love boys.
Ever wish you could go back in time and slap yourself?
A lot of this journal is like a time capsule because with each entry I listed what book I was reading or what music I was listening to at the time, which brought back a lot of great memories. Remember when people listened to Evanescence and Weezer? I also took quizzes such as “Which Laguna Beach Character are You?”, compiled collections of quotes from different sources typed in that wonderful uPpEr AnD LoWer CaSe style, IM conversations with my best friends, fights with my mom over email, and intermittent news items about Paris Hilton and the birth of Suri Cruise.
The common theme of all of my angst-y postings was that whatever problem I had at the time was the biggest problem in the world. If my crush didn’t like me back, it was like there was no way I would ever meet anyone in the world again EVER who was as amazing as that guy. (Man, am I a worrier.) That’s why I love reading young adult novels. I especially love novels that incorporate blog posts, emails, IMs and diary entries as part of the story. Kiss & Blog and Cruel Summer by Alyson Noel are two of my favorite novels that include blogs and ttyl, ttfn and l8r, g8r by Lauren Myracle are written completely in IMs and I loved reading them.
 As I went through the entries one by one, making them all private, I excerpted  material that I hope I can use towards the YA novel I’m developing. It might take years, but I’ve always wanted to write some of my own. Rereading my ever-present one-liners (I called in sick…sick of WORKING) or funny things that happened that I had forgotten about was certainly good for a laugh:

when we got home i was looking at the kohls catalog and found this fantabulous hot pink furry comforter and i was like “mom buy this for me” (which is a joke because she doesnt buy me stuff) and she was like “you already have a comforter” and i was like “yeah but this one will scare boys away from my bed” and she was like “sold.”

In between the fluffy postings, there are actually some accurate and thought-provoking insights that I think I’ll be able to incorporate into my books. There are also a lot of glaringly obvious lapses in judgment, and that’s a little scary when I think that some of this was written by me five short years ago. It seems obvious now that I should have worried less, quit that crappy summer job, and pursued only those subjects that were most interesting to me. Are we really that much wiser between 21 and 26? I hope I don’t look back at my work in another five to seven years and think, oh. my. god. and want to curl up in embarrassment. Or go back in time and slap myself. I wonder if that ever happens to famous writers.


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