Questions I have about guys at the gym

I’m lucky in that the gym I go to isn’t super-crowded. There’s never a wait for cardio machines like there was in Manhattan, and the different weight machines usually aren’t backed up either. Even when they aren’t though, I find it rude and strange when guys come up to the person using a machine and ask them if they’re almost done, how many sets they have left, offer to switch on and off, etc. Did you not learn in kindergarten that you have to wait your turn? Plus there are at least a dozen similar machines you could be using!

A few weeks ago I was using an arm machine when a beefy-looking older guy approached me.

“So, uh, do you have about 100 sets left on that, or what?”

This idiot.

“Sir,” I said, “Do I look like I can do a hundred sets on this?”

Dumb question, dumb answer.

I mean, really. Every single machine around me was empty. I think it’s rude that these “fitness” types try to intimidate people off of the machines, particularly by insinuating that someone else’s workout routine isn’t as serious as theirs.

…Are guys’ fitness routines that serious? I’ve seen exchanges between men agreeing to switch on and of of a machine in which a strictly regimented routine is detailed. “Well, yeah, I have 3 sets left on this…” as if the exerciser in question COULD NOT possibly deviate from those three sets, or, you know, do something else and come back to them. Sounds a little OCD if you ask me.

Another common occurrence I’ve noticed is the male exerciser who is ostensibly showing off. He makes a show of putting the pin ALL THE WAY at the bottom of the weights, sits still for a few seconds (to get pumped up?) and then proceeds to lift the stack of weights which is much too heavy for him, rapidly, in a very small range of motion, and then loudly lets the weights clatter back into place. I can’t help but think that this is somehow intended to be a display of strength for my benefit. Do men really think that this is impressive?

How did I meet your father? Well, I was on the quad machine, minding my own business, when I heard this grunting sound and then a clatter of weights…

No. Stop this right now. It is distracting and ridiculous.

Last question: Short shorts, usually seen on older guys. Why?

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