My Too-Old-for-This-Shit List

madonnatooold

There’s an interesting thread over on Reddit: What’s on your “I’m too old for this shit” list? The phrase, I’ve read, is originally from Danny Glover’s character in Lethal Weapon.

Highlights include:

Staying up late, roommates, midnight showings of a new movie, and “Any drinking establishment that requires patrons to wait in line to enter.”

Agreed on all counts.

I’m turning 29 this week, and I’ve put together some things I’m too old for, or, more accurately, not willing to put up with anymore. There are some things in life you’re never too old for, like Degrassi. You’re never too old for Degrassi.

Teen clothing stores.
It has been many moons since I wore anything from Abercrombie, Hollister and the like, but once in a while I’ll get a shirt or something from American Eagle. Sometimes, when my best friend and I are at the mall, we stop in AE because she likes their jeans and button-down shirts. The last time we were there, they had all of these “spring break” style clothes. (First old person thought: most high schoolers do not go on spring break). Teeny-tiny shorts. Sheer tshirts. (How do you wear a bra with that?) Crop tops. (WHY ARE CROP TOPS A THING? Who would wear this?! This is so inappropriate.) I asked my friend if we could go back to adulthood. OK but I really do like this flamingo tshirt though. I will buy ONLINE and ONLINE ALONE!

Having 900+ Facebook friends. 
Some people might disagree with me on this, but a Facebook friend cleanse can be a wonderful thing. I deleted almost everyone I hadn’t spoken to in 2+ years. I was tired of feeling guilty for not keeping in better touch with people from high school or college. A friend cleanse means accepting that you won’t stay close with every friend or acquaintance that you’ve ever had, and that’s OK.

And (perhaps deserving of its own item on the list), I wanted to stop having Facebook friend comparathons with people whose accomplishments and/or bragging made me feel like complete crap. For example: When I was 15, I went to sleepaway camp with two glamorous girls. They were my opposites (rich, popular) and their lives were a source of endless fascination to me. Even though we never became good friends, years later, I still found myself scrolling through their Facebook photos (mostly for the great clothes). Yeah, it must be nice to be rich and have some things handed to you (I say this because I once saw a wall post offering one of them a job in publishing) but what was I doing? I’m too old for this shit, so I deleted them.

Fighting via email or text message.
I have been in many text and email fights, and it’s fair to say that I have won a decent amount of them. It’s satisfying, but not enough to justify being stressed out 24-7, wondering when the next message will hit. I find it more satisfying to just ignore. It’s also a good way to avoid being a Gawker punchline.

Plastic dishes. I bought my first set of ~real~ drinking glasses last summer. Mind=blown.

Shoes or clothes that don’t fit right even if you REALLY like them. Just… no.

 

What’s on your too-old-for-this-shit list?  

 

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